Biking and Hiking

A few weeks back my first mistake was thinking it would be a good idea to bike through a forest. The trail, if you wanna call it that, was hardly the width of my handle bars. Luckily, I only slammed into one tree head on, also ate some dirt while trying to charge through a pile of logs. A week or so later I got another invite to go biking in the woods, this time some clown thought it would be a good idea to do it at night. So I grabbed my FisherPrice headlamp my mommy got me for Christmas and headed out. I might as well of had a candle, I crashed into a copious amount of trees. My shins were getting spanked by logs that stuck out onto the trail, it was a rough night. But I made it out of the trail alive with the bike still in one piece.

I also went on my first overnight hiking trip, it was actually a four day expedition in the mighty Porcupine mountains…well I thought they were pretty great. The first day of the trip it rained … and rained … and rained some more. But I thought there was no way mother nature could have any more water up in those clouds- I was wrong the second day we were also bombarded with an endless shower of water, I was convinced I was on a hiking trip planned by satan. That night, after gathering wet firewood in the freezing hurricane like winds, I was lying in my soggy sleeping bag, in the wet tent that was frequently caving in from the gusts of wind, freezing my buns off when I started to cheer up because I realized there is no way this trip could get much worse. The next morning was great, the wild winds had dried out all my wet gear and everyone was in a much better mood. Here I am looking over one of the cliffs

My favorite part of the trip was the last night we were there. It was about an hour before dark and we were camping in a low spot. I went off exploring by myself. I found a small cliff face that was probably too dangerous to climb with no one around, but that is what makes it fun. I made it half way up this cliff and stood on a ledge. Then all of a sudden… I felt it, an extreme urge to poop. Normally I am able to tame such desires, but this one was either coming out now or in my shorts (and I didn’t want to have poop in my shorts for the long car ride back. So I dropped trou on the side of that cliff and dropped a steamy one, I threw a big rock on top and called it good.

-Sorry about the lack of the Movember picture it will be posted eventually.

            Greetings Blogger! Welcome to the manliest, action packed site on the web. You may of thought I died from the lack of my blogging. [FACT: I can't die] I'm afraid not, I've just been raising my poop-to-day ratio (I should be close to 4 poops a day by December). You are probably dying to know, besides pooping, what else I've been up to... We'll obviously a lot of eating! One of my recent adventures takes us to Sandstone, MN. Were I did some extreme climbing and had a great opportunity to throw on the short-shorts and show off the man thighs.  

            We took a weekend trip there where we survived off peanut butter and Tang. The place we went to was a quarry back in the day so it had some drill holes in the rock. While climbing I stuck my hand into one of these drill holes, immediately afterwards I heard some buzzing. I took a peek inside and saw it was a wasp nest. I was a bit scared.  Luckily I fear nothing so I just avoided tinkering with it again.

            I also slept under the stars that night, luckily I brought my camera so you can get a taste of what I was looking at...

Just a heads up No-Shave-November/Movember is comin' up hot. So expect me to model off my new look early December!

9/8/11 Mantivities Triathlon

    

 Sooo...This summer was pretty gnarly. I did two triathlons! Well, sprint triathlons. There may be a reader wondering, "What's a triathlon Ross?" It's a race of fat torching, teeth grinding, heart pounding, and thigh shaping that will leave you in a pool of your own sweat and blood cryin' out for mommy. Next year the goal is to kick it up a notch to Olympic distance! That should put some hair on my chest or kill me!  Your probably thinking, "Ross! You're so ripped that you probably got first in both those triathlons!" Somehow... no... I'm just as confused as you are.

            It turns out that I am terrible at biking.
                         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0PEIMGgKH4
Well, one step above this dude. Despite being slowed down by my training wheels I didn't do too bad. I actually placed in my age group. 50 feet before the finish line I almost passed someone for a epic finish, but my stomach turned upside down and I dry heaved so loud all the spectators turned their heads expecting me to blow chunks everywhere. Luckily I held it in but didn't get the photo finish win.

5/9/2011 Shockingly Manly

Man fact #231 "Real men shrug off pain."

       Last year the most manly thing I did was get tasered by the police. You may by wondering, "Ross how many people did you ice before the police took you down?" 16! Well sorry to disappoint you but there were no crimes involved except maybe luggin' around these cannons for arms. I actually volunteered to get tased. That's right, how many other blogs do you read where the author gets tasered just so you can spend 2 minutes reading about it. It was for a taser demonstration for a city picnic, where people from all over the world gathered to see how a real man handles 5,000 volts of pure power. And it's safe to say I did pretty well. I was a little worried about either being a screamer or peeing my pants, luckily I was neither. I would recommend not running from the police, it kind of hurt. It was sort of like sticking a fork in 41 outlets at the same time or sticking a fork in a Pikachu. Here is the video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncuoxek3qzo

If any of my followers have any ideas of any other manly tasks I can accomplish feel free to post. 

3/22/11 Mantivities POWER WEEK!!!

O no… it’s official…my blog’s followers are 75% female. I don’t mean that my blog is being followed by a bunch of She-males, just that 3 out of the four followers (Yeah that’s right up to four!) are female. I guess I didn’t realize that my blog would attract all the ladies.

Todays man blog quote is from John Wayne:

"Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway"

This quote is a good transition into POWER WEEK, where I did three manly feats in a week period. (Also the only way I could try and deceive you that entering a hula-hoop contest is manly) 

The first thing was the day before St. Patrick’s Day. No it wasn’t pounding a case of beer. I entered a bouldering competition put on by my university. It was pretty extreme and the turnout was bigger than I thought it was going to be. I entered the intermediate division and it turned out that I ended up winning, which was pretty gnarly because I didn’t do so hot last time.

           

         

   Next in the lineup was a hula-hoop contest also put on by my university. Most men would be afraid and avoid such a thing. But not me, I saddled up and put people to shame with my hula-hooping skills. Believe it or not but I just so happened to be the fourth best hula-hooper on campus. (There was only six people total but I’m sure they were the best of the best)

 

Sunday morning I woke up bright and early, shaved my beard that grew overnight and prepared for the 1^st annual indoor triathlon put on by my school. It was actually my first full triathlon I’ve ever done. Since I was a swimmer back in the day I had my share of swimming for a few tri teams. The triathlon consisted of 15 min of swimming, 30 min of biking and 30 min of running. Our distances were kept track of and weigh out for points because you can obviously bike much further than you could swim. I’m not used to running so I about puked all over the treadmill that was keeping track of my distance, actually I felt like puking the whole time just more than usual running. I ended up getting second in men’s division and one of my pals from our schools outdoor adventure club got first. (And yes there were more than 6 people)

Man of the Month February – Valentine’s Day 2/14/11

This Man of the Month is a gentleman that has a blazing passion for the ladies that rival’s mine. He has a face chiseled by the god’s themselves and charm to match. This stallion also has a flowing mane that makes him look like he just finished shooting an herbal essence commercial. There is no coincidence that this beef-cake was chosen to be Man of the Month on Valentine’s Day, the day of love. This spirited young man happens to be my best pal, Nate.

Nate is the local celebrity of my hometown. He makes a name for himself with a voice so warm & tender it could melt a candle, as well as a woman’s heart. Along with his charm, Nate happens to be the most chivalrous man I know, which is one of the reasons I made him my relationship consultant. (Some of the other reasons are: He was the only one willing to put up with me, I asked him every day for 7 months, He’s just a swell guy, He found my relationship problems comical and wanted to hear all the juicy details, and out of pity.)

                Before you get to excited, yes I realize a man should be able to hold his own with the ladies. But, why go through a jungle by yourself when you can have an experienced guide to lead the way. Likewise I have set myself up with a veteran ladies-man. That is why I’m dedicating this glorious month of February to my pal Nate.

                So my enthusiasts have a happy Valentine’s Day and follow Nate’s awe-inspiring example by showing respect to your loved ones this holiday. And if you have any other strapping young men you think are deserving of Man of the Month, send your requests in.